Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
