gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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