so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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