I got chris browned last night
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
