if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
