Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
