wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
