dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
