jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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