capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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