i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
