So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
