you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
