He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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