I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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