No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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