Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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