A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
