It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
