I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
sex in a hospital.. check
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
