a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
