planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
