he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
