Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
