then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
