Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The Olympian is in my bed
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
