this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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