Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
