my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
