Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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