..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
