Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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