We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
