speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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