I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
