I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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