Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
