I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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