Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
