he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
