You were right. It hurts to walk today.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
