You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
