I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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