Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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