Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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