Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When did angry sex become our thing?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
