i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Everclear isn't food dammit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
dude. I can hear the air.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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