and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
