um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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