lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
