he puts the penis in happiness.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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