Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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