im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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