Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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